One the many fine readers of this esteemed blog has posed a rather serious question for my sensitive, wholistic and feminist-attuned attention.
"Hi Cap'n, I've got a question for you that's been nagging me for quite some time. Perhaps you could devote a blog entry to the question and ask Hugo his opinion?
Naturally, we all want to avoid being filthy filthy rapists and we all know the rule "no means no".
But alas, things aren't so simple:
Not only does "no" mean "no", but "maybe" also means "no". And an implied "yes" should be presumed "no" as well.
Basically, "yes" doesn't mean "yes" unless it's enthusiastic, because an unenthusiastic "yes" was probably coerced and doesn't count.
So here's the quandary:
What if a woman's enthusiastic "yes" WAS ALSO COERCED??
How are we, stupid meatheaded men, supposed to know the difference between "uncoerced enthusiastic yes" and a "non-coerced enthusiastic yes"?
Or maybe it's easier to assume that all men are rapists no matter what the woman says?"
Well, I wouldn't go so far as to suggest that all men are rapists, but it must be pointed out that many men are fundamentaly challenged when it comes to understanding the many different ways women can emotionally express themselves using seemingly direct and simple words like "yes" and "no".
An appallingly sexist joke I overheard once attempts, in a rather meatheadedly-male kind of way, to illuminate this confusing paradox:
A man returns home from the pub and says to his wife:
Husband: I am going to take you upstairs.
Wife: Oh no you won't!
Husband: Then I'm going to strip you naked.
Wife: Oh no you won't!
Husband: Then I shall strip naked.
Wife: Oh no you won't!
Husband: I shall then lick you all over.
Wife: Oh no you won't!
Husband: And finally, I shall thoroughly ravish you.
Wife: Oh no you won't!
Husband: And what's more, I won't even wear a condom.
Wife: Oh yes you will.After my chuckles subsided, it suddenly hit me and I was shocked to the very core at my own patriarchal sexist insensitivity. THE WOMAN IN THE JOKE WAS ACTUALLY RAPED!!! You see the "yes" at the end was just an attempt to salvage a small consession from the inevitable horror that was to follow when the drunken, selfish and demanding husband got his brutal way with her.
This video will show you what non-rape oriented, consensual male/female sex looks like (provided that the woman initiated the sex of course).
I hope this answers your question anonymous.
